Melancholy

In life, people expect you to be giggly happy or teary sad.  Sometimes you are neither; you are somewhere in the middle---just melancholy.  That is what I feel tonight.  I am not giggly happy that I only have two days of school left this week or teary sad that the Christmas break is over.  I am just here...really not happy or sad...just plain Jane.  I think when you tell people this, they automatically think something is wrong.    I'm here to tell you that sometimes you just need to be..no emotions-- happy or sad.  I'm not sure if it is a physical or mental state.  I just know that it is a state of being.  I'll bet you have felt this way before, maybe you never admitted it, but you have been here.  It could be triggered by a number of things or nothing at all.  It is a difficult state to understand or explain.  The only nice thing about being melancholy is it has no ups or downs.  It just is.  Melancholy can last seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, or months.  No one really knows.  I think it is your body and mind taking a break from the hustle and bustle of all the emotions we experience.  I don't mind being this way every once in a while, but I know it bothers those around me.  At a time like this, there are no one liners, no cute comments, and no sarcasm.  Don't fret, this will pass, and I will be the quirky, funny, outgoing, sarcastic person that you know and love.

Steve is doing fine.  He is fatigued tonight and is actually sleeping while we "watch" the Orange Bowl.  He was a busy little boy this afternoon.  He fixed dinner.  We had grilled Cornish hens, chicken stuffing, baked potatoes, corn, and pasta salad.  He was a regular Top Chef tonight.  I can't tell you the last time we had Cornish hens.  He did an excellent job with them.  The meat was perfectly done and so juicy and tender.  We all loved it.  Aubree thought it was wonderful that we each got our own little chicken.  She thought getting the wishbone was the best part of all.  She and Opa put theirs on the cabinet to dry so they can break them and make wishes.  She doesn't quite understand this part, but she does know that she is wishing for a birthday cake for her birthday.    I feel so blessed when I come home and the evening meal is out of my hands.  It is even better than going out to eat.  I can just sit and relax for a little while.  When he does this, it really makes him tired.  It involves so much...going to the store, all the prep work, and the cooking.  Now, don't think I make him do everything.  I help with the clean up and anything he needs with the prep or cooking.    Tomorrow he has his head scan in Springfield.  I believe he will be resting in the morning before his trip to Springfield.  He has to go by Petland to get some more food for Samurai.  So far, that is his only chore on the trip.  That does not mean he won't do other things if he feels well.  You never can tell with this crazy guy!  It is supposed to be a nice day, so it will not surprise me if he is doing something outside when I get home from school.


I do want to comment on one thing.  I am not sure if you are familiar with the Nissan commercial that shows the truck "snowboarding" down the mountain.  The thing that irritates me is the disclaimer they must put with it. "Do not attempt".  Please.  The sad thing is that the people that will try this stuff will not read the disclaimer.  I had to do a " I have to tell you not to do something that I hope you would be smart enough to do, but know in my heart you will do anyway," speech today.  You see, I got a Sensi burner for Christmas and put it in my classroom.  For those of you that don't know what that is... a Sensi burner is a fancy smelly wax melter.  It uses a light bulb to melt a block of smelly wax so that it will make the room smell nicer.  I had to tell my sixth graders that I had one on the shelf by my desk.  I also had to tell them not to stick their fingers in the hot wax.  You know, just like you tell people not to touch something because it is hot, but they touch it anyway.  Oh, brother.  All the sixth graders looked at me like I was the idiot, but I know that sometime soon, there will be a sixth grader walking around with hot wax on the tip of a burnt finger. Let me tell you that when this happens, it will be very difficult for me to not roll my eyes, make a smart mouth comment, and laugh.  I will have to be professional and say something like, "I'm so sorry that you made a poor choice and decided to stick your finger in hot wax, even after I told you not to.  In the future, I hope you will listen to what I say and make wiser choices.  Please stop sobbing, pick the wax off your finger, blow your nose, take your seat, and get back to work."   Yes, this child will be the one that will try the barrel roll down a mountain with his new Nissan truck.

My friend Lorene is doing ok.  I spoke with Tom today, and he said she was just tired.  You and I both know fatigue is just part of daily life when you are on chemo.  I know it is hard to adjust your life to always being tired.  I think it is a terrible side effect.  She is also experiencing joint pain, which is a side effect of the new chemo drug she is taking.  Both side effects can wear on you mentally and physically.  I must say I was very proud of her for driving T to school and picking him up this afternoon.  Getting out of the house is good medicine.  Please keep L and T in your thoughts and prayers.